Imran is the father of 11-year-old Amir and 13-year-old Nadia. He is also stepfather to 4 children, including 11-year-old Umar who has a physical disability. Imran is heavily involved in the day-to-day care of Umar.
Following childcare proceedings, the courts concluded that Imran had been abusive to both Amir’s mother and Umar’s mother and recommended that Imran self-refer to Welcare’s Caring Dads programme. In his referral and screening interview, Imran shared that his reason for attending the programme was work on developing his insight and understanding into his past harmful behaviours and develop ways of improving his communication with their mother as well as his relationship with his children. He was particularly interested in building a more nurturing and child centred style of parenting, focusing on prioritising his children’s needs over his own.
Imran was open about his historical issues with drugs and alcohol which impacted his mental health and ability to parent his children. He worked hard to change his relationship with drugs and alcohol and at the point of referral he said that he had not used drugs or drank excessively for 2 years. This had given him a completely different mindset, improved his mental health and made him want to be a better father to his children and stepchildren.
At the end of the programme, Imran agreed that he would like to share his experience of the group and was interviewed by Welcare. We asked him the following questions, and you can read his insightful responses below.
What were your expectations before coming to Caring Dads?
Coming to caring dads I thought I could use the programme to learn more about how to improve myself. For the three years before going on the course I had been working on my flaws and past behaviours. Whilst doing this, I started to open up to growth and healing and started to be able to move forward in my life, and I wanted to continue this journey.
How have you found the course?
I found the course hugely educational, but it was also an emotional rollercoaster for me, but for all the right reasons. I came into the course thinking to myself that I only needed to make a few minor tweaks on my approach to fathering and that I was much further along my parenting journey then perhaps I was. I can now safely say that the course opened my eyes and my head to a much more child focused way of parenting. It has made me a better father and stepfather, and my partner has been very impressed that the course has made me open up and take control of my past mistakes so that I can move on from them.
How has the course impacted your relationship with your children?
The course made an already strong and beautiful relationship with my step kids even better, and I have used the lessons from the course in my relationships with them. I was also open and honest with my son Amir about the course and why I went on it and why it would help. Amir responded amazingly even telling me he was proud of me and that he couldn’t wait to see the best version of me. Before this I never really knew how to approach the subject with him, but Caring Dads gave me confident in being able to do this.
What did you find most difficult?
There was a session on week 15 or 16 where we had to role play and act out how we would approach the conversation with our children if they asked about the course and why we were on it. I put myself forward to talk about my daughter, Nadia, who I have not had contact with for 4 years. This was very emotional for me and opened up feelings which, if I’m honest, I had locked away. As difficult as it was, it was positive because it made me finally tackle the situation head on, and I now understand that if it is difficult for me, then my daughter will also find it very difficult. As a father, I need to be there to help her deal with this as caring, tender and supportively as she deserves.
What would you say to a dad thinking about coming to a Caring Dads course?
DO IT! Please be open and honest, there is no judgement. The staff are extremely knowledgeable, and they are great people and guides. You only get out of the course what you put in. The bond between the fathers is amazing as you are all on similar journeys. Don’t be scared and remember that this course is designed to make you a better person and father for your children. All of this can only be good.
What have you enjoyed most about the course?
I have loved everything about the course. The bond made between the other fathers and the relationships built with everyone at Welcare, and helping other dads when we are asked to give each other feedback.
Is there anything you are doing differently now as a result of coming to Caring Dads?
I have changed the way I listen to my son, Amir, and my stepchildren when I speak with them. I have learnt to pay more attention to their interests and actively ask them positive questions about themselves. I also use the thoughts, feelings and actions triangle most days, and now I try to put others first and my respond to them with thought through answers.
On a final note, I would like to thank everyone at caring dads for their help and I wish the programme all the success it deserves. If I would have known about this programme earlier in my journey, I know it would have helped me so much. The work you do for dads is amazing.
